Poems answered

I stumbled upon a poem I had to write as an assignment for a Biblical Studies class I took a while back. My wife and I had struggled getting pregnant for 5 years and it was at a point that we had about given up. This poem was a prayer for me, for us. After turning in the poem, my professor had me come up in front of class and had the class lay hands on me and pray for my wife and I. It was a sweet moment for me. I hadn't realized how much I needed to write out what I was feeling, and share the sorrow with others. Here is the poem, dated May 2, 2005:

BITTER SPRINGS

By: Howie Smith

Father, remember us.

We face seclusion in a land of famine.

Our emotions are our isolation,

Our drought the cause of our sorrow.

Hand in hand we trod,

Longing to be carried by the God of hope.

The pain is a monthly affair

Each month more agonizing than the previous

The promise of a river of life

Halted by bitter springs

The bleeding stops our hearts

And the hope is replaced by doubt

The joy of our friends is our inner mourning

We wear black to their celebration.

Not alone in our sorrow

Many have experienced our pain

Others do not even have our longing

Yet they are blessed

What are we to do?

Do we try and fail, only to be disappointed?

Do we stop and take one who is unwanted by others?

The questions are as overwhelming as the disappointment

I know you have not forgotten

You continue to honor us

Your hand is upon us daily

We are your children Abba.

The amazing thing? we got pregnant the next month. with twins.

9/11 thoughts

8 years ago today I was just getting ready for work when I received a call to turn on the television. When I turned it on, I saw a smoking building and a plane fly into a second building. It was surreal, but I remember gasping and wondering what in the world was going on.

Many people can remember where they were and the emotions it evoked. Some were angry, some were grieved. I was sort of numb. It didn’t really affect me personally. I was 3000 miles away. Eventually, I discovered there were second and third hand people that were on a plane or in the building, but still then, it didn’t affect me internally.

The thing that affected me the most was the way people joined together after the event. There was a downplay of socio-economic differences and an upsurge in American pride. Everyone could rally around fallen firefighters and police officers. Everyone could rally around lives unjustly taken. The differences just didn’t matter anymore. I was excited to see people together. Different people celebrating lives and heroes. It was awesome.

Now, I am not a particularly patriotic guy. You won’t find a flag shirt in my closet or a bumper sticker on my car. And even during the 9/11 emotion, I didn’t get caught up in the “Go Team” patriotism. Maybe it comes from my Canadian roots, or from my tendency not to root for the favorite. I don’t know. What I did learn from 9/11, however, is that I wish the church could have the same flavor as the post-9/11 America did. Let’s drop our differences and rally around the kingdom. Let’s change our perspective from me to the body. Let’s open our eyes and see our neighbors. Forget the trivial things and remember sacrifice and resurrection. Let’s celebrate that the kingdom is here and is arriving more every day. If it requires me to wear a ridiculously tacky shirt, I will.

a life of inches

I’m still having a hard time today. We had a real close call yesterday. While walking to the car after picking the boys up from school, Nate surprisingly let go of my hand and darted out into the street. I shouted, heard the squeal of brakes, and watched as a minivan bumped Nate to the ground. Noah screamed, I ran, picked up Nate and just held him close, afraid to open my eyes and see what was wrong. I realized quickly that he was crying, but it was a cry of fear, not of pain. I brought him to his brother who was equally scared. The driver of the minivan came over to make sure things were okay, and after I checked over Nate pretty good, we just sat and tried to calm down. Needless to say, we all needed some time to calm down. Remarkably, Nate didn’t even have a scratch on him.

This has caused me great theological reflection. Why is it that Nate was spared when I know of people that have lost children just as dramatically? Is there some kind of specialness or favor that belongs to him? Is it random chance that we had an observant driver?

What am I to learn through this? Is it just enough to be thankful and completely humbled that my son is unharmed? What would my reaction have been if things had turned out differently? What I do know is the sorrow of my imagination and the worship of my God is a strange stew. I can tearfully imagine losing Nate. Yet at the same time, who am I to grasp control over his life? Is my God worthy of worship regardless of the outcome?

Ps 147.1 Praise the LORD!

For it is good to sing praises to our God;

for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting.

2 The LORD builds up Jerusalem;

he gathers the outcasts of Israel.

3 He heals the brokenhearted

and binds up their wounds.

4 He determines the number of the stars;

he gives to all of them their names.

5 Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;

his understanding is beyond measure.

6 The LORD lifts up the humble;

he casts the wicked to the ground.

Ps 147.7 Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving;

make melody to our God on the lyre!

8 He covers the heavens with clouds;

he prepares rain for the earth;

he makes grass grow on the hills.

9 He gives to the beasts their food,

and to the young ravens that cry.

10 His delight is not in the strength of the horse,

nor his pleasure in the legs of a man,

11 but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him,

in those who hope in his steadfast love.

does twitter enhance community

Thanks to Shane Hipps, I have found myself a little more critical of technology and its supposed uses for community. Just read this article from Time, and I'm curious on your thoughts...

problem of evil

Like most, I have struggled with the problem of evil, and why bad things happen. I listened to a podcast of This American Life last week (entitled This I Used to Believe), and they addressed the question in a personal way with no resolution. It saddened me, but I found that it's a difficult issue to resolve. Today, I read a post from Stuff Christians Like (a snarky take at Christian culture). I found this post really interesting. I thought the question the author posed to be introspective and theologically worshipful.

From the mouth of God: "Do I have the right to crack the vessel if breaking it is the fastest way to share with the world what I have poured into it?"

Have a read and leave a comment!

it's friday, but sunday's coming!

business model

friday was my wife's holiday party for work. i had been looking forward to going for weeks, mostly because i didn't know many of her co-workers. i didn't expect it to be a learning experience. my wife's employer is small (5 employees), but all world-class in what they do. there is an astonishing success rate from their previous experiences. i learned a number of things on friday that the church could apply to church leadership. i'm not usually a proponent of the church following business models (i think it is more prone to misdirection, but that's a different post), but the values that i saw should be utilized in the church.

first, it is good for people to eat together at a table that is shared. there is something to be said for dining in a family style setting. we went to a spanish tapas restaurant, and shared a meal. there was a definite community feel to the evening because of the environment set up by the restaurant. it wasn't pretentious or too casual, but enhanced an already warm feeling. dishes came out, we passed things around, went back for seconds, and shared the meal. we could talk about the food as a shared experience, rather than an individual meal that no one else tried.

second, there was a lot of talk about respect at the table. the talk was also lived out. i realized quickly that the 5 people that worked together really respected one another. the most interesting thing about this respect was that it wasn't about accomplishments and it wasn't about position. the respect was based on someone's willingness and ability to take the other one to task. it was about being encouraged to become better. employee a appreciated employee b because he cared enough to tell him that he was slacking or mediocre. employee b respected this comment and put more of himself into the project the next time. there was also positive affirmation involved, but the respect was based upon critique.

third, i felt that all the employees were valued. i know that some are being temporarily underpaid to work at this company. i also know that their contribution is appreciated - because i was told. i heard the ceo and managing director talk about how one of the other guys, a young guy, did not realize how good he was. they weren't saying it under their breath. they were saying it to the whole table. he must have felt affirmed, valued, appreciated and proud to be a part of that team.

fourth, there was an enormous value placed on the role of the spouses. as a spouse, i felt appreciated and thanked. from past church experience, i have felt my spouse denegrated and underappreciated. i felt nothing but love from this team. i would be willing to sacrifice for this company.

fifth, i can't say enough about good wine. enjoying something luxurious, that allows you to linger, is a topic of conversation, and allows some barriers to fall, is a valuable asset. i was able to have heart-to-heart conversations with folks over several fantastic bottles of wine. i don't know that these conversations would have happened in a dry party.


my eagerness was rewarded with a wonderful time. i did some things that i didn't think i would do, like eat octopus and mussels (octopus was awesome - mussels not so much). i also enjoyed numerous different wines, sherry and desserts. it was a glorious evening.