I’m still having a hard time today. We had a real close call yesterday. While walking to the car after picking the boys up from school, Nate surprisingly let go of my hand and darted out into the street. I shouted, heard the squeal of brakes, and watched as a minivan bumped Nate to the ground. Noah screamed, I ran, picked up Nate and just held him close, afraid to open my eyes and see what was wrong. I realized quickly that he was crying, but it was a cry of fear, not of pain. I brought him to his brother who was equally scared. The driver of the minivan came over to make sure things were okay, and after I checked over Nate pretty good, we just sat and tried to calm down. Needless to say, we all needed some time to calm down. Remarkably, Nate didn’t even have a scratch on him.
This has caused me great theological reflection. Why is it that Nate was spared when I know of people that have lost children just as dramatically? Is there some kind of specialness or favor that belongs to him? Is it random chance that we had an observant driver?
What am I to learn through this? Is it just enough to be thankful and completely humbled that my son is unharmed? What would my reaction have been if things had turned out differently? What I do know is the sorrow of my imagination and the worship of my God is a strange stew. I can tearfully imagine losing Nate. Yet at the same time, who am I to grasp control over his life? Is my God worthy of worship regardless of the outcome?
Ps 147.1 Praise the LORD!
For it is good to sing praises to our God;
for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting.
2 The LORD builds up Jerusalem;
he gathers the outcasts of Israel.
3 He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
4 He determines the number of the stars;
he gives to all of them their names.
5 Great is our Lord, and abundant in power;
his understanding is beyond measure.
6 The LORD lifts up the humble;
he casts the wicked to the ground.
Ps 147.7 Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving;
make melody to our God on the lyre!
8 He covers the heavens with clouds;
he prepares rain for the earth;
he makes grass grow on the hills.
9 He gives to the beasts their food,
and to the young ravens that cry.
10 His delight is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his pleasure in the legs of a man,
11 but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him,
in those who hope in his steadfast love.
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3 comments:
Amen and amen! Today is the would-be 1st birthday of a baby I know who died at birth. I struggled so much being pregnant while watching her mother grieve, and then having a healthy growing baby while her arms remain empty. And sometimes I feel so baffled as to why we are so fertile when people whom I think would be better parents are barren. Sometimes I just have to wonder that "life" and "death" are not the same to us as it is to God. I think we are called to trust and worship God in all circumstances, even though we are so conflicted as we see life through the lens of our emotions. Thanks for asking the questions...
wow.
Very grateful with you there that Nate is here & alive w/you today. Praise our God in heaven for His mercy...
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